Amanda Writes…

It goes without saying, but I’m going to say it anyway, 2020 has been one hell of a year.

We started the new year as most do, our dreams brimming with optimism, a hunger for change, and the thought of achievements that would hopefully come to pass. So many of us could never have anticipated that we’d be here.

I think about January and February a lot. Having finally received my Associate’s degree I was eager to begin on my Bachelor’s program, although I was not starting until the summer. I filled my days doing whatever I pleased, filling in the gaps when I wasn’t working and didn’t have my son at home with me. It was a leap year, and I was convinced that it would be a lucky one, with very little needed to persuade them, my sisters and I planned a trip to Savannah that last weekend in February.

We went to Savannah to celebrate some personal endings, albeit, none of them happy. Those couple of days were spent eating good food, drinking, singing, dancing, and having a few good cries. Coronavirus at the time, was just a murmur, and its impact on the United States wasn’t a thing yet. There were no cases, no deaths, nothing. It was something we acknowledged, but also joked teasingly about. Had we known then, that upon our return from a girls weekend, life as we knew it would change, we wouldn’t have laughed. Our respective returns to work in healthcare were met with drastic changes happening very fast. I often wish that I could return to March 11th. The last day my work life was normal.

I suppose that my naivete was due in part to being raised in, what I thought, was the greatest country in the world. This year has really challenged that notion with a do-nothing administration that prioritized their own self interests instead of having the best interest of the nation at heart. Their negligence has directly resulted in the loss of 262,000 someones. Someone’s partner, husband, wife, mother, father, brother, sister, aunt, uncle, grandmother, grandfather, cousin, child, friend… gone.

Fast forward to today, Thanksgiving 2020. A day typically filled with family, friends, good food, a parade and plenty of football is now marred by a global pandemic that has filled our lives with unemployment, families not knowing where their next meal is coming from let along today’s meal, virtual get-togethers (or none at all), and immense losses.

Today I hold those of you that are grieving and remembering loved ones taken by this virus close to my heart. May you find some semblance of peace in this first Thanksgiving without your someone(s) that was taken so unnecessarily from you. Be kind to yourself and try not to place blame on yourself for not doing enough. Above all, as so many of us are trying to do, find a silver lining and relish in it. There is always, always, always something to be thankful for.

And in this attitude of gratitude, remember to thank those who have kept our country afloat throughout this pandemic: doctors, nurses, paramedics, pharmacists, police officers, firefighters, teachers, grocery workers, delivery service workers, and so many more. We are indebted to all of them for allowing us to continue our daily lives with as minimal a disruption as possible as we’ve learned to adjust to our new normal.

I am thankful for those who have continued to wear masks, practice social distancing, and adhere to CDC guidelines to the best of their abilities. Thank you for caring about others enough to keep them safe. I am also thankful for my family and friends and the enormous role they’ve placed in my life this year. I am thankful for the love I gave and the love I lost, both have taught me invaluable lessons about myself. I am thankful that despite the hardships all around me, I have had a successful year personally and professionally and I continue to shatter any and all expectations I held for myself. I have been incredibly fortunate and blessed this year, but I am reminded every day and today especially that not everyone can say the same.

As we begin the holiday season, it is my sincerest hope that those of you suffering begin to see the start of better days. I pray that you are continually blessed with employment or that job offers comes in, that your physical and mental health improve, that you’re able to provide/stay float for the remainder of the year, and that you find joy in the simple pleasures life has to offer.

If nothing else, I hope that my words provide some comfort and remind us all that there’s something to be thankful for today no matter how small that might be. As always, for anyone reading this, if you need someone to talk to, I’m always here and ready to lend an ear or helping hand wherever I can.

Sending you all love & light this Thanksgiving,

Amanda

Media sensation grips the nation as fear takes hold of its inhabitants.

Death walks the streets, unmasked and unchecked, taking who he wants for his own.

All seems quiet and all seems calm, while in reality, chaos rages on. Like children, we look around for someone to comfort us, to give us inspiration… hope.

But we come up short when those that are supposed to lead us put business first and humanity second.

The world has gone still, and in its wake, the earth has begun to heal. And in many ways, so have we.

The time we’ve spent safely confined in our homes brought us back from the brink, and grounded us in the things that truly matter.

We have found our humanity in virtual hangouts and movies nights, in driveway birthday parties, and on balconies in Italy. In a time where we should feel so alone, we’ve found a way to be alone, but together.

So for now we sit and we wait, yearning for the warmth of the sun on our skin and the way the wind dances through our hair. We long to hear the sound of crashing waves and to feel our feet gliding over grass blades.

But above all else, we desire the simpler things: a warm embrace, a friendly gaze, and toothy grins. For when the world went to shit, we were reminded: love remains.

So, weeks ago (3 weeks and 3 days to be exact) I promised a Spanish cover to a song.

I came back from Savannah exhausted so I didn’t record, then, the following Monday the power was out in my complex so I COULDN’T record.

Honestly, I damn near gave up on posting anymore, just because insecurities and all that, BUT, if one good thing has come out of ‘ol dear Rona is some free time. So here it is! My cover of Si Una Vez by Selena 💜

December has always been magical. From the chilly nights filled with laughter and s’mores, to carols being sung on every radio station, December has always been full of joyful wonder.

But there’s something else about December… It has always captivated my heart or broken it.

December has been the source of so many of my beginnings and of so many endings.

It was the beginning of my life, on a cold morning on the twelfth of the December, I came screaming into the world. Every birthday in recent history has been the exchange of a gentle end and new beginning as my wish for growth each year changes with what I’ve learned or what I need most.

One of the most devastating fall-outs of my life happened in December. I lost a good friend at a time where I thought the dust of our tumultuous relationship was beginning to settle. That hurt settled in for the month, marring my birthday, the holidays and causing me to end that year at rock bottom. I’m not fond of who I was then, and not proud of most the decisions that I made that December. I woke up heavy in January, carrying the weight of December, a weight that I chose to carry for months thereafter.

I chose my freedom, I chose happiness, I chose self-assurance. Why? Because I came to terms with the fact that no one was ever going to have me, but me. I found strength, in looking for strength. It came through mediation and self introspection. It was a result of taking my life and dissecting it to see where I had been, and pave the road for where I want to go next.

This last December, part of the road was completed. A degree was now under my belt and I could decide, once again, where to go next.

Last December also brought changes in the wind. I left behind several things that were not for me. Things that never filled my soul to begin with, but the old me craved that “normalcy” that I was so accustomed to, I convinced myself that they were meant to.

Last December brought me peace as I pressed my lips to a cup of hot cocoa.

It may be cheesy to start this way, but happy International Women’s Day. Suffice it to say, we deserve more than one day a year and we should celebrate each other every day, not just on March 8th, or on Wednesdays.

Women are amazing. For those of us born as women and for those of us that chose to be women, we live in such a fearless manner that men have no other choice but to be in awe of us. We are wonderful, we are fierce, we are wild, we are brave, and we are strong. So strong, in fact, that we all must be born from a woman.

But let’s face it, it can be hard being a woman sometimes. With our rights being constantly under fire (reproductive rights, equal pay, gender equality) we are constantly having to assert our feminism, and people dare to say we are too much. You are never too much when your local/state/federal governments aren’t doing enough for you. You are never too much when you keep hitting the glass ceiling and feeling like you’re not adding any cracks.

So when you men ask us how you can help keep these things in mind: Don’t think that we’re angry because of our periods, some of us are mothers, professionals, students, activists, etc. with a lot on our plate and every once in a while we get angry. Please don’t explain something to us unless we ask. “Mansplaining” is probably one of the most aggravating things a woman has to sit through, we are made to feel stupid for something we know an equal amount or more about. Defend us. This one may seem contradictory, because you may think, well, you want equal rights so you have to stand up and fight like one, well we do. But sadly, we don’t always get taken seriously, and sometimes when a man intervenes it helps us get the job done. We don’t want to be damsels in distress, but will appreciate the men who see us struggle and help us anyway. Lastly, if you don’t have a need to defend us, stand with us. March with us. Advocate for our rights and show the world that women aren’t crazy to want very basic, bare minimum rights.

To my ladies, I love you all, even if I don’t know you. You all are my sisters in something that is so much bigger than us all. Thank you for being courageous, for being delicate, for being firm. It is the delicacy in which we conduct ourselves on a day to day basis that I find absolutely awe inspiring.

I have to say Elizabeth Warren left me very inspired over the course of the last few months and recently in the last few days with her dropping out of the presidential race, so a very special message for International Women’s Day goes to her. Thank you for being a woman, for being angry about injustice. Thank you for advocating for the disenfranchised. Thank you for being a prepared, smart, witty, and outspoken and making that okay. I’m sorry our country wasn’t ready for you yet. I hope one day they can be ready for you or another woman soon.

Thank you all for being my #WCE.

So as promised, here’s week 2 of Mandy’s Musical Monday featuring some Norah Jones!

Apart from writing, singing is my first passion. Last week, I faced my fears of posting me singing a cover. After checking in with friends it was decided that this should be a regular occurrence, this, Mandy’s Musical Mondays was born!

Here you’ll find last weeks cover of “Hallelujah” by Jeff Buckley.

You know how they always say, ” Be kind. You never know what someone else is going through?” Well, when that someone happens to be you, read this. This one’s for you.

Dear Someone,

I know things are tough right now, and I know everything hurts. Every morning is a struggle to get out of bed and attempt to be the person you’re supposed to be. I know what you’re thinking: this isn’t what you signed up for. Suffice it to say, that life never turns out to be what we signed up for.

Be it work, school, friendships, relationships, or life in general, there will be times when things never go the way you intended. As the old adage goes: You make plans and God [the Universe] laughs.

But it sucks, when things don’t go the way you planned, doesn’t it? You create hope, expectations, motivation to take an aspect of your life to the next level and seem to fall just short of getting there. You take the time to search for the solution to your problem, or the next milestone you need to achieve, or love, or peace, and you end up finding yourself more broken than when you started your journey.

You aren’t alone. I know right now it feels like you are. I know you’re probably laying in bed and staring at the ceiling, or at your desk spacing out instead of working on reports, or staring out the window of your car pretending you’re in a music video and questioning yourself why? Are you enough? Are you too much?

Why? I don’t know. That question is for God [the Universe] to reveal the answer in due time. Are you enough? Always. Are you too much? Yeah, sometimes. But you know what? There’s nothing wrong with that.

Never apologize for being who you are, because I can assure you that they will never apologize for who they are. The sooner you learn to accept your most authentic self, you begin living the life you’ve always wanted to live. You are no longer in danger of falling prey to the folly of others because you are self assured. Set your boundaries and demand that they are respected. It is the most surefire way to expose people and situations in your life that do not serve you. Take your lessons from that and move on.

Promise me you’ll learn from all of this, though. Whether you got passed on for a promotion, you didn’t get into the school of your dreams, if you’re convinced love sucks, or your friendship with someone ended in a falling out. Learn. From. This. Take the time to look back and reflect on every decision that has brought you here and learn. Then make peace with it.

If this applies to you: forgive. It isn’t easy, believe me. The most important thing to remember about forgiveness is that it isn’t for always for them, but it is always always always for you.

So do what you need to do right now to get through this in the healthiest way you can. It’s okay to take time for yourself. Sometimes that means time off from work, or even time off from friends, and that’s okay. It could also mean channeling your energy into work, or more time with your friends, that’s okay too. Your priority should always be what you want, so take control and invest in loving yourself a little harder today, and tomorrow too for good measure.

While I’m at it, a reminder: this isn’t the end of the world. I know it probably feels like it though, huh? I know what it’s like, to be lying in bed at night when you can’t turn your brain off just yet. Then it hits you, the gaping hole where your heart should be just opens. You find yourself gasping for breath and trying to ground yourself with all of the good things you have in your life: You are alive. You are loved. There is hope. Tomorrow will be kinder.

Lastly, I want to say that you are amazing. You are beautiful. You are strong. You are brave. You are phenomenal. You have what it takes. You are crazy in the best way possible. You are you and no one can take that away from you. And for any of you that need to hear this especially: I’m glad you’re still here.

Be kind to yourself. You may not know what others are going through, but know what you’ve gone through, so practicing love and compassion towards yourself is a rewarding experience.

I hope this helps.

With love, hope, & good vibes,

Amanda